Sad two years.

This lovely lady would be my great grandma.. Who died two years ago.. Due to sickness.. She was in her 90s. And she was my world.. I remeber being 8... And heading down to see her and we got in a car accident.  She has so many memories with us.  It's to hard to comprend her being gone.. And i know at least one person can say that almost on a monthly baises that hear me say " i want my grandma back"! The things she taught me, and the laughs she shared will not be forgotten. 
     So in memory of her i wrote her a poem.

  Though you may be gone in life you are here with us in our hearts
  The laughing you shared without is priceless
   You're smile... Who could forget that?
    Your heart.  Made of gold. Sweet sparkling gold. 
      Your generosity.  amazing.
               The storys and love you shared with everyone.
   Are missed but never forgotten grandma!
 I love and miss you.
   The things that i wish you could be with me holding my hand and letting me know it's all going to be okay.. No one does it to me anymore.. And no one can love me the same as you ever did. 
   
This picture was taken back in 2009. 
And this is my three brothers and grandma together.  <3

What on earth is happening?

Well today has not gone planned at all. 
The only plus side is.. I'm finally feeling like myself.. I have been sick for about 3ish day... Thanks to my nephew.. Terrible twos i tell ya! 
My day has just been crap.  I am not ready to become a adult.. I give credit to people who can do this.. I am almost at my end right now.. and it's only 2.44. 

I've been listening to " Like my mother does" all day long... I don't know if its the song.. Or if it's just the way I've treated people... But i could almost swear i cry every time i listen to it.   So I'm just belting out the words when my mother happened to call and she told me that my uncle is in ICU and isn't doing well at all... And now I'm at a loss for words.. I know him, but i haven't seen him in ages and i don't know how i feel about this.. And now to know i could be losing him... I can't take it.. I leave tonight.. And I'm with my brother grandma and papa.  My 2 favorite parts of my family.  Grandparents and siblings.  I can't imagine my life without them!  I mean i only have 10 siblings.. I love them all.. And i count my blessings.. But i can't express to anyone how i feel about my actions towards this family.. My actions have been not so very nice.. If i could i would go back in time and change the way i acted.. But not the lesson i got thought.
Today is also my cousins birthday.. And he's no longer here.. and in 2 days marks the 2nd year of grandma being gone.. I still miss that face of sunshine...  I've just had a bad day... I woke up and knew it was a bad day..
I read a blog on some family.. My poor little niece.. She could use so many prayer right now. 
I just need to stop looking at all these things as bad. 
I have had 16 almost 17 years with my family. Through the tick and the thin. 
We are setting up for Christmas tonight.
And one of my really great friends and i have worked everything out. 
All i gotta do is remember God is in control.  And he has a plan for this!  He's amazing!