Sad two years.

This lovely lady would be my great grandma.. Who died two years ago.. Due to sickness.. She was in her 90s. And she was my world.. I remeber being 8... And heading down to see her and we got in a car accident.  She has so many memories with us.  It's to hard to comprend her being gone.. And i know at least one person can say that almost on a monthly baises that hear me say " i want my grandma back"! The things she taught me, and the laughs she shared will not be forgotten. 
     So in memory of her i wrote her a poem.

  Though you may be gone in life you are here with us in our hearts
  The laughing you shared without is priceless
   You're smile... Who could forget that?
    Your heart.  Made of gold. Sweet sparkling gold. 
      Your generosity.  amazing.
               The storys and love you shared with everyone.
   Are missed but never forgotten grandma!
 I love and miss you.
   The things that i wish you could be with me holding my hand and letting me know it's all going to be okay.. No one does it to me anymore.. And no one can love me the same as you ever did. 
   
This picture was taken back in 2009. 
And this is my three brothers and grandma together.  <3

What on earth is happening?

Well today has not gone planned at all. 
The only plus side is.. I'm finally feeling like myself.. I have been sick for about 3ish day... Thanks to my nephew.. Terrible twos i tell ya! 
My day has just been crap.  I am not ready to become a adult.. I give credit to people who can do this.. I am almost at my end right now.. and it's only 2.44. 

I've been listening to " Like my mother does" all day long... I don't know if its the song.. Or if it's just the way I've treated people... But i could almost swear i cry every time i listen to it.   So I'm just belting out the words when my mother happened to call and she told me that my uncle is in ICU and isn't doing well at all... And now I'm at a loss for words.. I know him, but i haven't seen him in ages and i don't know how i feel about this.. And now to know i could be losing him... I can't take it.. I leave tonight.. And I'm with my brother grandma and papa.  My 2 favorite parts of my family.  Grandparents and siblings.  I can't imagine my life without them!  I mean i only have 10 siblings.. I love them all.. And i count my blessings.. But i can't express to anyone how i feel about my actions towards this family.. My actions have been not so very nice.. If i could i would go back in time and change the way i acted.. But not the lesson i got thought.
Today is also my cousins birthday.. And he's no longer here.. and in 2 days marks the 2nd year of grandma being gone.. I still miss that face of sunshine...  I've just had a bad day... I woke up and knew it was a bad day..
I read a blog on some family.. My poor little niece.. She could use so many prayer right now. 
I just need to stop looking at all these things as bad. 
I have had 16 almost 17 years with my family. Through the tick and the thin. 
We are setting up for Christmas tonight.
And one of my really great friends and i have worked everything out. 
All i gotta do is remember God is in control.  And he has a plan for this!  He's amazing! 

Whats going down?

Well I know that I'm not so good at posting (like I've been saying) 
But things have been happening like crazy....
 And I'll be pretty busy from this weekend all the way till my birthday..
  But what's new with me?
           Me and my monkey and side kick have been doing good, with everything that has been going on, side kick helps me with homework and keeps me company when i have homework, and i will help him with his homework almost everyday.. Talk about wanting 2nd grade work again!  This 11th grade stuff is so complex compared to 2nd grade! I almost forgot how easy it is!
   My life is getting busy.. And it got me thinking about what will my life be like in 5-10 years?  Why am i complaining about all these little things?  My life will be so much more busier when i have more things then just high school going on.

This is going to be a short post even though i have a bunch of things i could talk about... But i gotta get back to school.

But I'm leaving you with two songs

http://youtu.be/zI5i1qSg1mE

And

http://youtu.be/Y_SwjzlMGhw 

The last song gets me a lot..


Listen and enjoy!

Two things

I am kind of really busy this time of year.
I have my "nannying" job, that consists of hanging out with my monkey all day everyday (Monday-Friday) and being with my side kick after he comes home from school, and those two keep me plenty busy, so i have almost no time to blog anymore..
And I'm pretty sure i might as well stop blogging because i only have the weekends to blog, and i have like no time, because it's only (Friday night till Sunday night) and I'm busy on all of those days.. And i have nothing to blog about..
Like really i can't do anything because I'm so over loaded right now..
I just need a break..
I have a busy week and weekend i have to step up to the plate.. I need to show my love and i need to watch everything.. I have over a 200 point assignment that i have to do.. That is going to drain me.. That i can't really afford to watch kids, and more kids, and do school, plus be the daughter that I'm suppose to be at my house..  And step up and clean and do my job to do at home.. I just can't... So i will blog when i can, and feel like too.. But for the most part I'll probably only blog once a month.. Unless something comes up that i need to tell.. Like I'm writing a story and i may put that up if i get a good score.. And I'm planning on writing a story soon.. In my free time.. And I'm just not so sure what i want to do in my down-time when i have it..
But just thought i would let you know. 

Rough day

I normally wouldn't post this.. But i think i will this time.

First week of school is over.   Yay!

   Now for the rough day.
     I woke up today, and i don't know what it was.  But before i get carry on.. I had this horrible feeling all week that this was the week that it happened.  And so i went on this week, living just fine, putting on a smile for everyone, so they knew it would be okay.. Not once did i know that it was true.  Just that feeling..
Okay now that that's taken care of.. Now carrying on, so as i woke up, i woke up, and my phone wasn't where i put it at night, my ipod was on my desk, and it was in my bed with me last night.  So i just let it be, because all the people that text me know i sleep late.. So later on, i got this nasty feeling of, i need my phone.  like now, someone needs me.  And so i tear my bed apart. And find it.. And i get the text message i was dreading... This whole month in a half.   And right then i dropped.. I wasn't talking to any one today.. Besides the little bit i talked to my best-friend this morning.  Which if i didn't... I would have ended up lost today.. Not even knowing who to even talk to. So i update a status.. Tell her i wont be on... And she knew what had happened by my status.. That i didn't even needa tell her. She knew and i just had to tell her yes or no. ( I love it when that's all i have to do.)  And so i finally felt better enough to walk (had stop crying to where it was okay for me to leave) .. And so i go to the lake, so i can finish.  I get to the lake and it's fairly choppy, and i just listen to the waves crash up on the boat landing things, and watch.. and listen.. And i pick up a couple rocks, and throw them.. Just because my hands needed something to do, before i went insane. And so i found a couple rocks to skip, and usually i can skip in 12 times, but not today.. I was weak, and empty.  That with the waves coming in and the rock going out... It was the push and pull effect that had went on, and knowing that i skipped that rock 2 times that was pretty good.  And so with what had happened.. I can't let it be the push and pull... I need to let it go,  and be thankful for the times that i had with her.  Not the times i wont.  Not the things that will happen that she wont "see" because she's in heaven, she will see them!  So with all that, i just lost someone that i use to live with over summer, i was part of the family.. I was her "adopted" daughter.. But now that she's not here..  Things will be different things will change, but God will be there to back it up, and go the way that He wants them too!
Sorry that it's so scattered this was just for venting.. and letting things out, and letting people know. I'm still at a loss for words. But you know what it was a slow fade, and a happy ending. 

What if

What if.. Tomorrow you could go see Jesus?
What if... Tomorrow was the day you get big news?
But what if.. Tomorrow is the day you hear, some of the worst new ever?
What if.. Tomorrow is the day that you get hurt?
What if.. Tomorrow is the day you go see someone you haven't saw in a while?
What if.. One day you came home to a empty house?
What if.. You sleep till the day is gone?
What if.. You never get to see your friend again?
What if.. You get news that you can't be normal anymore?
How do you respond to it?
Do you just sit and don't change?
Or change what you can?
What if.. Tomorrow was you're last day.  Did you live your life to the fullest?
Can you say that you love what you did in your life, without "What if i could have done.. "
It's to late.  Do what you can now.  "Change what you can. And accept what you can't change"

This is just a short part of a thing i wrote. It's not the best.  But hope you enjoy it.

What's going on.?

So as school is starting on the 4th.. My summer is *finally* wrapping up, and winding down.  I've been looking forward to this all summer. 
My summer I was out of state with a group of amazing people!

And out of town with some amazing family, and friends! 

And out of town again to celebrate my family getting bigger!

So i will put a couple pictures of the times we had..

My family.. Starting at the left..
It's my cousin then her mom, then my aunt, then sister, then mom, then me.

                                                                     Camping with this one...

                                                                    Out of town with my family.. Camping

                                                                 Group!

Being out of state.  Best group ever. 

So this is the family getting bigger.. Some of my favorite things to celebrate.. Weddings!!

Busy much?

Well this past month i've been pretty much gone. 
I was out of state for a week. Which was a nice little vaction
Then i was out of town for 3 weeks, then i'm home for a week in a half then leave for our of town again!
Well what happend in those times..?
I got closer to God
We lost our dog Cooper.
I got to see some of the best cousins in the world.
I had time to myself.
And i had time to just relax and be with some family.
Now! It gets exciting...
My bestfriend..... Tells me that she's leaving.. And i knew that once i got home it would only be a matter of time that i got hurt.. So what did i do this time?
Within 24 hours of being home i sprained my wrist... How you may ask.... By peeling corn on the cob.  How did i manage that? I have no idea. But because it's me, and my bestfriend is gone. That's the reason and i'm sticking to it!   And it's not even half over... So it's just wait and see. 
But in the mean time..
It's back to packing, and cleaning, and catching up on lack of sleep! 
And what happend today?
We had my step-dads birthday!
And with that comes cake, and ice-cream, and me being the eater that i am.. I will not touch cake or ice-cream, unless i'm desprate for ice-cream.  And so my mom makes me a special cake for his birthday! And my parents all got cake and ice-cream!  And then my sisters call! And it's just been a really good day!
And to end it all..
It all ends with a call! And a well needed one too! After tonight!

Starbucks Frappuccino... Made in your home!

I never know what to write.. But today.. I have a head full of ideas of what i will be doing.. I will.. Post a recipe once a week. (after i try it).  And other things if i'm not to busy with work, and school.

What you need:
*1 scoop Vanilla or Chocolate protein powder
*1/2 cup Cottage cheese 1-4 packets Stevia (or low calorie sweetener of choice)
*1 Starbucks Via packet (or 1 tsp instant coffee powder)
*2 tbs Half and half
*5-10 Ice cubes (depending on desired consistency)
*1/2-1 cup Water (depending on desired consistency)
*Optional: 1/2 tsp xanthax gum (you can get this from most grocery stores in the health food or gluten free section! Just a pinch of it makes your shake so thick and creamy)
*Optional: To make a Mocha Frappuccino, just add 1-2 tbs cocoa powder!
Note: Instead of the cottage cheese, you could also use 1 additional scoop of protein powder and add low fat milk or (milk substitute) in place of the 1/2-1 cup water in this shake.)
*Blender

What will you do after you gathered all of the supplies?
You will put all of that in a blender, and blend it until it is nice and creamy and smooth or however you like you drinks.

How do you make a starbucks mocha at home?

What you need:  A small bowl; coffee syrup; milk; coffee or espresso
1. In a small bowl, combine equal parts warm water and sweetened cocoa powder.
2. Stir until it forms a smooth syrup.
3. Pour 2 Tbsp. of the syrup into an 8 oz. cup.
4. Add a shot (1 oz.) of espresso or double-strength, dark-roasted coffee. (To brew double-strength coffee, use 4 Tbsp. of ground coffee for every 6 oz. of water.)
5. Fill the rest of your cup with steamed milk. (If you don’t have a milk steamer, heat milk on the stove to between 140 and 160 degrees.)
6. Top with whipped cream and enjoy!

Or just a espresso machine makes them too ( :

Just something diffrent.

As i was looking through a site.... I found a link... And it brought me to here... And i felt like i should share it with you guys..  To try to make it.  "Double Chocolate Mocha Trifle"

What you need is..
Brownie mix
Milk
Instant white pudding
Coffee granules
Warm water
Whipped topping
Chocolate

http://www.yummly.com/recipe/Double-Chocolate-Mocha-Trifle-AllRecipes

Oh man.

I haven't posted in a while, but that's all good.
   Because i didn't know what to post about.. I'm going to talk about a fish.
      So i went to this youth rally i while ago, and we where talking about Salmon... And how we are suppose to be like the fish, life isn't easy, we have to... Go though ups and downs, and go against things... Just like the fish, they have to swim against the current to get to that place before they can take a rest sometimes.  But once they get there.  They have accomplished what they wanted to do, and it feels great.  We need to go against the crowd(s).  Go against that current.  In order to find God, and find out who we are.   Sometimes out water is calm, and sometimes the water is rocky, but someday, we will all be in our destination, worry free, and able to relax!

Lifes a circle

I just really like this picture, but that's just me.. I took it out of boredom.   But it makes me think of, "Life without Jesus is like a doughnut, because there's a hole in the middle of your heart"   Well, life is like a circle.  There is a beginning, and there is a end, but it's all melted together, because there is a new beginning some place else, and there is no end in there.  But if you look close enough you can see a bible verse though that circle " The Lord is my Shepard...." Your circle is surrounded by God.  Believe it or not.   And no matter how you draw a circle, you will always have a middle, it may be filled, it may not be. 

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31

Love sticky notes...

Love sticky notes what they are... All you do is, write something encouraging for other people.

What you need
Sticky notes or paper and tape
Something to write with ( pen or marker works best)
Something encouraging
Then you will go stick them on places ( ATMS, bathroom stales, friends walls)

What you do: Go around to diffrent places and leave encouraging notes. 

God has the Power

A passion for Jesus, and a message for hope.
We need to have a passion for Jesus, in everything we do, and we need to have a message of hope.

But the only way you can get the power to do any of that is though God.  
How do you get that power? 
 You can pray and ask for the power
  You can take things that give you energy
   You can do anything you can think of to get energy to give you power..
  But there is really only one way to get power..   And that is God, it doesn't matter how you do it though him,  but he's the only thing that can give you everlasting power! 

Time flys

As I lay here watching time fly

Where has everyone gone?
Everyone is so grown up

We’ve gone our separate ways

We’ve lived our own lives

Did what we wanted
We’ve said we are there for each other

Years later, we don’t know who each other.

Time flys, memories last, words mean everything, friendships last. 

  Fly fly away time, don’t come back.

  Don’t forget the times we had.

 Never underestimate time, For time builds things, and it only takes seconds to crumble!

Another poem i wrote.

The ultimate gift

The most untimate gift ever... Is Jesus sending his one and only son to die for us.  He didn't have to give up his son.  But because he loves each and every single one of us, he was willing to die for us.  He is just full of unconditional love!

Just a little note

It's not valentines day, but i don't need a valentines day to post about how much i love my family and friends.

Mom: You have done so much for me, and the family, just keep it up!  Love you!
Dad: You have always been the "handy Mandy" guy in the house, always fixing something when something broke or needed fixing.  Thanks!
Brothers: You've just been my backboard, sure we've fought, and screamed, and pulled each others hair.  But you've always been there for each other.
Sisters: You've just.. to much to say.  We laugh, we cry, we have a good time, and experience peoples firsts. 
   You guys are all the best!! Love you guys!
Friends: where to begin.  Memories, fights, talks.  Everything.  Only. the.best. thing.  in. the. world!
Thanks for everything guys!

Don't just stop

Just a little poem i wrote.

Tears of sorrow run down the face of a young lady
words come from a mouth of a sailor. 
What do they mean?
Tears of sadness are never hard to find, but don’t just stop there
Go to happiness, and joyfulness! 
Don’t just stop at good enough!
Go that extra mile!

What is my blog going to be about?

I have no idea what i will be doing.   I might write some times, and i might post pictures.   
But i have no schedule yet.    But i will do some of both for sure.